[28/04/05]
Went to Yao Ming's house to rush for my IT project. Ended school quite early as Mr Teo did not come. Whaha! Next Zhi Hao, Gui Zhi, Yong Bin, Yao Ming and me went to Winson's house for mahjong session. LolX. For the first time i kept winning. Can't believe it. Think i'm just pure lucky. It was really fun. You can see Yao Ming saying lame things and Zhi Hao gave that kind of stunt looks. It was like so. . . FUNNY! Well~ Reached home at 11 pm plus. Was tired... So it's my bed time...

Went for a revision with Roslinda. Haha. We studied at Kovan's Burger King. Worst thing is we can't even finished one question. Maybe i'm the cause to it? I kept talking. LolX. Then went for alumni band. It was okay... Everything was just fine. Then went to Ray' house to watch the ten ways to see ghosts (jian gui)... So bored with that movie... YawnZ* Nevermind about that... At least i gave it a try on my account assignments.

I don't know what to say.. Had i really grown up? Do people grow up have more troubles? I feel that i'm useless at all times. When one is sad i can't help. I know there's people around me who's not feeling happy. But what can i do? Basically is nothing. Just crapping to them. And for someone... i know she's troubled but she don't wish to tell me. Maybe as what yee sin said... I care too much. Why i just can't be a help of anyone. I'm happy for a moment and then i'm not. I've tried to be happy. Wish to help people around me... But i think my ability is limited... Things that happened to me this year Feb had me think a lot. Maybe it's e process that made me really think now. I'm not sure whether i'm that mature to people around me. But i'm very sure i'm not like my primary school days. That's what i can confirm for it. Actually had lots of things to be mentioned but... sometimes it's not convenient for me to say here... so i can only keep it in my mind...

Don't wish to see you sad. Just hope you don't fake it out to be happy. Just like before whenever you have problems, my hotline is always available for you! I'm not sure whether you believe it or not. But when you're unhappy or i see you cry i also don't feel happy at all. I mean it!!! I just don't know what to do. But maybe i'll say all those stupid jokes to make you laugh and forget your worries.I really miss your that kind of stupid laughter. The old you. I don't know how to continue either. It's obviously that i'm saying you. If you don't know then i also got nothing to say. Maybe you don't wish to tell me but no matter what i'm behind you... ALWAYS! I PROMISE!!!

And friends out there... If you're sad you can also call me and chat. I don't wish my friends to be sad. But if i can't cheer you up don't blame me. Cause i'm someone who don't know how to express myself. I maybe childish at times but i'm not as childish as you think cause you don't know me well enough.

Everyone can notice that we're not as good as before. Still, someone asked me why last time you're so good with her and now it's totally indifferent? What you expect me to answer? Well this.. i don't think it all depends on what me alone going to do. Just use your brain and think. . .

Some times things can't be pushed. Time will prove everything. People might have their own problems and can't solve it. We must think for them too and not only for ourselves.
To: Chia Jia Min Agnes...
I treat you like a own sis. Maybe u're not reading it. Nvm. Treat it as i write as for fun lor. I'm serious about what i'm saying now! I don't care what the fuck happened or what will going to be happen.. I'll still dote on you the same as before. As i've said i'll try to know you start from scratch...

Oh ya to that person who stole xiao ling's mobile phone. Don't ever let me know who you are... if not you'll have to bear the consequences! Just be mindful of what i've said today!!!

At last i've finished my presentation... A great relieve for me. But now i need to rush for my IT project. Sad to say i still have few pages to work on before completing my web page. I'm scared that i cannot make it on time. Saw someone's nick [My life. I hope i could restart all over again. Erase memories i have] If this really works i hope i can do it too. I'm going to start my revision too.

Went study today... Today Gui Zhi never come as she was sick... Hey get well soon man! There's Ray, Eugene and Ceyao. Followed by Winson and Yao Ming. Then met up with Yin Qiu my cute senior... Haha. Seeking her help for account. It's been a long time since i last saw her. Well... i hope i'll give myself time to forget about the past and start from the scratch to know you and get back to the past relationship we had. Let time prove everything. Oh ya i remembered Eugence said one year from now he'll be able to pitch high F. The F that is above the staff line. Ray and me heard that. So one year from now is 24th of April 2006. I'll be back to hear that! That's it... tomorrow will be my turn for presentation. I'll make sure i'll do a good one. Gambatte!

Actually i also don't know what to blog... Just wish that everything is fine for you. All i want to say i've already said. Everything that happened is still the same. It's still not okay... Haiz. I can be very happy and for the next moment sad. Just don't know why maybe because of you. The way you've treated me. Just like strangers... And i think you can also feel that there's a wall in between us this time round... Maybe you're not reading if or what... Haiz i also don't know what to do... Feel very vexed, stressed now adays...

I don't care what sickness you've got. Don't tell me what you will set a will. I'll not let you die! I'll stay by you whenever you need help. I won't let you suffer alone. I'll accompany you forever. Whenever you need me just tell me. I'm willing to risk my life just for the sake of you! I love you and i can't bear to let you suffer...

Today's paper was... haiz. Doubt that i'll pass. Think tomorrow will kanna scolding by that stupid naggy teacher. But never will i give up on this topic! I'll make sure i'll score for the final year exam for this topic. After i fell down yesterday i think my hand still hurts. Sad~ Went cycling with Zhi Hao today... Cycle with him is a very fun thing n yet scary. When we reached Winson's house today i told him the lift close very fast and he was like very kan chiong till he can't pushed in the bike. Whaha! I was laughing like hell. Then another thing is he shouted on our way home... I asked him whether if it's him he said no... Then he shouted again... This time round i confirmed is him. I thought he had fell down so i turned around and take a look. So scared that he would fell down. Oh ya Happy 18th Birthday Winson!!! Haha! Hope you'll like the small present i gave you...

Had a game of netball with my classmates today... I was trying to retrieve the ball and... I slipped, ski and fell down on the pool of water. Woah for the first time i've touch netball and it's so unlucky for me. Had bruise on my butt and some cuts on my left hand and leg. If can next time i think i'll try to avoid that game or if i play i'll avoid that area. Tomorrow having a class test for non-trading... Though it's a class test but i don't feel like failing. Cause if i pass this test, final year exam will not be a difficulty for me. But this time round i doubt i can make it cause i really don't understand. Think i've skipped too much lessons. I should not have skipped lessons on tuesday. That causes me can't catch up for the lessons. From now on i'll not skip any lessons. Unless it's something very important to me.

Received back my Account CA2 paper today. I only managed to score 35 out of 40. I'm not satisfied with my result. But what can i do? Haha... Basically in my class out of 11 people, 4 scored full marks. Just because of my careless mistakes i did not score full marks. Haiz... I think i'll still be like that when it's final year exams. It's my weakness. For my table the calculated figure should be 85*12=1020. And guess what i did? I added up 85 to 12... And it causes all my other parts of the questions to be wrong. Marks were deducted. I don't if i should grade it or ungrade it though i scored distinction for both CAs. Just pretty sad as it's an easy exam. Or maybe i was over confidence? I don't know... Days had passed... In another 1 year plus i'm gonna graduated. I don't know to further my studies in polytechnic or just step into this society for work. I'm gonna do things that i wish to do. I don't want to have any regret in my life. I'm old already... Don't have that much energy like those teens. They still have time to play around. But not me...

Maybe i shall be anti-social to stop myself from getting hurt again? I don't know what to do. Haiz... I really wish that everything was back to normal. Why can't i just lead those kind of innocence life that kids use to have? Life without troubles, without worries i'm having now. I'm stressed, moody but what? Life still like that. Nothing changes it. It's up to myself.I'm thinking of ways to change my life. Without people making me sad... Life with only happiness. Why should i care when people don't even care? Easy to say but i just can't do it. I'm just that weak! To hell with it!!!

Standing at a side seeing you laughing out heartily i'm already contented... I love him but i know he don't. It's difficult for me to stop loving you as i've really tired it... Maybe you might think i'm just like those teenagers... Those kind that love for fun... Seriously i'm not. I don't if i should blog this but it's all my heartfelt words.

Agnes. . . I don't know why we seldom talk now. Don't wish that to happen.. But it did really happen. I know whatever i do will just not break away the ice between us... And even if i did, i guessed you don't even want to care. You can say whatever you want to say... maybe you will say i think too much or what or maybe you just plainly ignored it. But it's just my thinking afterall. It's all up to you whether you want keep this so called "friendship". If you can't be bothered then i think . . .

Went out to study... Don't know if i can pass. But i will try all my upmost best to pass. However if i fail then that's too bad... Will practice more for it after the test. I'm so fond of the moment i used to spend with my secondary school friends... Especially my band mates and the gang of friends. I really missed those days... Now we are all headign towards different routes. Dian's at Aussie... Missed her... Haiz. Hope after everyone graduated we can go on a tour together and have fun again! Can't wait for that day to come...

Now i'm posting at home.. But it's kinda sianz... cause lots of things i can't do with this computer...hope this computer will be just a temporary one... Going to have a class test on wednesday but i think i won't be able to pass... Cause i don't even know a single things... Actually i should not skipped school.. Now not only topics that i don't know... i 've still got warning letter from school...

Did not get a chance to blog after the second day of syf... I've skipped school just to watch xmsb. Reached S'pore conference hall at 9 am plus... The first band was like erm... play like shit... no intonation, no balance, not blending, no dynamic, no rythmn precision... Woah and i was sitting down with my ears suffering. As time passed... it's going to be xmsb's turn... I don't know why i was kinda nervous for them. Then i wished them before they went in... All the alumnis that were present had been praying hard for them... cheering them... When the results were out... Xinmin... Silver! Most of them broke into tears.. i could nothing but just to say not to be sad and be happy... there's always next year... I think it's the experience you guys gained and the time you guys spent together enduring the hardship till the competition day... I participated in 2001 and 2003 syf... During the year of 2001 syf... i had no feeling for it. Maybe i'm too ignorance at that time... but for the year 2003 i felt happy and excited for it. Really wanna do it well as it's my last year... i really missed those day the alumnis or the present batch spent together practising in the band room. Those happy days... not like now i'm suffering.

If you expect me to forget you... i don't think i can do it. I'm very sure of it... The happiness you gave me was really... i don't know how to phrase it. Maybe you already forget about those happy days... But i know you will say i think too much... It's the feeling you gave me. Faults just lies on me... I knew it! Everything seems to be my fault!!! Fine~ Tomorrow is xmsb big day... Well i just hope that they will achieve what they want... I can only give them morale support... Good luck and jia you to all members participating in this year SYF!

Now you're busy cheering someone up... You said you're stress and bill is high... Like i'm the one who causes it... Nvm... i don't give a damn to it! Cause even you don't care... no matter how i care also won't make any difference... maybe in some other time i'll just heck care. My energy is now strained... no more left... But thanks to someone this few days who had been telling me what to do... Really thank you... if not i'll stress till i don't where am i... Oh ya and thanks all my buddies who had accompanying me all the while... Last but not least i'll also thank god for giving me friends around me.

Sadded to say that my account CA2 out of 33 people only 10 passed... I might be the one of the failures. I don't wish to be one of those failures. But i think my standard is that low. Today went back to xms for the speech and home-cuming day... i think it's very boring... felt very outcasted... Went to J8 for the Cyndi autography session.. but in the end yao ming did not manage to get it... haha... now we alll at gui zhi house... eating kfc... starving for the whole day at last manage to have a proper meal. Feel that the gap between us is getting bigger... don't what to say maybe it should be the way... Or maybe i should not initiate to know you...

Right now i don't regard you as my friend or whatever.. i don't wish to regard you as my friend again nor want to see you.. i really wish we can be strangers. This phrase i'll always remember... I think i shall grant her wish too.. No point stuggling there... My classmate told me i've passed my account CA2... but my teacher said nothing to me.. Haiz... if i've fail i really don't know what to do... I'm so stressed up... I don't know what to continue also... Now my mobile phone is spoilt... Everything's spoilt... I'm downed with bad luck... Haiz!

Woah! long time since i've blog last time... haha! Erm.. life so far is the same for me. Not very happy not very sad... presentation, projects, CA stress me a lot... even things that... haiz shall not mention much... Don't what to say already.. just wanna thanks my friends who had been helping out in my projects... Thanks you Gui zhi & Ceyao!!! Really thanks alot....