Haiz... nothing can compared to can't go on loving you. it makes my heart more painful. when you don't intend to be with me i don't wish to die cause maybe one day you'll come back to me. and i'm sure i will want to live my life to the fullest...


BAND... ... Last time i can be a band siao but not now. why? i not sure... maybe it's just like what qq had said. maybe for me that's not the only reasons. people grow up.. people tends to change... maybe people around me changed till i can't accept it or rather is they can't accept me. i can't feel the happiness i used to have being with them. and someone had told me the guys in our band are not gentleman enough.. not to lie i personally also think so.. Hmmm... so guys... yar think you all know what to do.. if my life was to be without band i don't how my life will be.. maybe less one colour... like a rainbow lessing one colour. maybe when i graduate something will replace band in my life... good luck to myself!

Hmmm... i feel like taking up a bike license. But i don't know i will make it or not. Feel that it's dangerous but i just feel like owning my own scooter. With the design i like. My parents and relatives are against my me taking up license for bike. So if i wanna have bike license i have to do it secretly. Haiz... Still have to consider... Going to retake my basic theory again hope this time round i will be able to pass. Cause i only have a few days to read through the book again! Lolx!!!

Hmmm... days have passed but my feeling for you never fade. Don't know what you're thinking and how are you now. Don't dare to sms you anything cause you having mid test. Don't wanna trouble you... Saw your blog and knew you're sick. I'm concerned about you but i don't think you wanna me to be concern about you... I don't what to say anymore. Perhaps i should cool down and not disturb you. Hmmmm... sianz can't find that kind of jacket i want. So pissed off...

I'm not sure when then you'll stop avoiding me. Maybe for e time being or maybe forever. But if you happen to read this, i can tell you whatever thing happen just remember there's still me beside you every moment. I'll wait for you. Whenever you're sad, my shoulder will always be there. Whenever you're happy, i'll be there to share your happiness. Whenever you're angry, i'll be there to let you vent your anger. I want to prove you what i've said is true but now no matter how, i don't know how to let you believe. There's a fool waiting for you. No matter how silly am i, if i can treat you better in any ways i'll do it. I don't know whether you do really know my feelings to you. I shouldn't have put so much feelings in it. But it's just too late. I'm not sure whether you know i'm dejected. I don't know why everything just have no outcome. I just want you to know i'm so happy every moment with you.


Have no mood for everything now. From now on i'm not going to entertain anybody. I'm just going to change myself. I hate the present me for being such a weakling... If you need time just tell me. Clarifying things do help most of the time. You just keep hanging there.. just hanging me up there. And it's up to you whether you want me to stay alive or be dead.

I cried out during lesson time just now. I can't hold it any longer. Family problems again! I can't shoulder any weight anymore. Why choose me to solve every problem? I'm not eldest! I know my limit. I've my own problems. Now problems are stacking more and more as high like a mountain. From yesterday till now my head still aches. I know my biggest problem is not only her. Since she wanted everything like that i've to be it. Is life going to be like that for me? I know i will suffered for the past few weeks starting from now. I don't wish everything to end just like that. Anyway it's just a stupid wish of mine. No one will bother to care. That's it! Fuck off my life!!! (referring to myself)

Had a audit test today... darn it! the teacher only let us studied for 45 mins. And then test! And now fuck man! the stupid programm... all the file i saved all gone! Damn it!!!

I don't how long am i going to wait for you. Or maybe you don't wish me to wait for you and be there for you at all times. For now i'm just sure that i want to make you happy that's within my limit. I don't know why i'm that silly. I know now i already can't bear to leave you anymore. But seems like i'm still that childish? Perhaps i'm one. Haha... Really don't know what to say. My heart now is in a mess. I don't want all these to affect my mood in school. Don't wanna let my friends worry about me. But sometimes i just can't control it. Then i'll go crazy again. When i'm back home my heart ache. It's like you can really feel the pain in it. Haiz... Am i not the one for you?

All my friends scolded me for being that silly waiting for that person. Am i really that silly? Or rather when they love someone don't tell me they are not willing to do so? Well i know my friends did that is for my interest. But i don't know how to stop loving that person. Friends around me asked me to give up but i don't know how and i think i can't do it. Maybe i should give up cause there's more people out there better than me. I'm sure you'll be happy with others than me. Maybe in this life never will i get a chance but there's always other lifetime that i will surely get a chance. Haha... I'm just trying to think on the brighter side. So what if i'm sad. Things can't just be solve. How worst can it be? The hurt that i've tried before. No harm trying it again. I saw that person yesterday. Waited for an hour plus again. But is i willingly to wait.My heartbeat gets faster after i saw that person and my legs become woby... Don't know how to spell! I really can't stand myself today. I really went bonkers. Think in no time i'll end up in hougang chalet. Now having stupid test and common test is coming. Haven't even finish the syllabus then so fast exam. Kaoz! I'm really fatigued of what i am now. Need to worry about this and that. I really need you and will you be there for me? Haiz.. I really hope it's a yes! I know i'm deceiving myself. I don't want myself to be in sorrow.

Shed some tears yesterday. Hmmm... Not some is alot i think. Suddenly i felt very cold. Goose-bumps are all out. Shivering under my blanket, my heart sank. It's a dreadful night for me. I wanted to shout it out but i can't. Anyone tell me what can i do? I really don't understand! Really don't! Arghx.........! Fatigued of everything. Pensively thinking of something that make my head ache. I'm a sucker. I'm a fucker. Here i goes again. Haiz... I don't know how and what to reply you cause i don't want you to worry or what. Why i did that i don't know. It's really useless if i've say i'm not ok. I know what's next. So shall be it.

Tomorrow having class outing! Whaha! Don't know what will it be like. Hmmmm... though i'm quite imaginative but i can't imagine for tomorrow. Life for me is still the same. Sianz... I'm still missing you. Haha!

I really never know losing you is such a pain in my life. It's like adding satls onto my wound. My friend once asked me, will i be upset if it ended? My reply was don't know, maybe. But now i can say that i'm really unhappy. So what? Maybe that's not the only reason i'm unhappy with. So will that person care? I have no idea what's on that person's mind. Life never runs smoothly for me. Perhaps it's the way god wanna tests me or train me up? I don't know. I do hope all these will come to an end. I can't take it anymore. I don't want my mood to continue like what i'm feeling now but i really can't help myself anymore. Thinking of asking you out never seemed to be easy for me. I'm always rejected by you, ever think of what's the feeling like? One of my friend ever told me he's sick of being rejected. Ha... Now i do know why. But nevertheless i'll never give up. Or maybe for this moment nothing will please me. Who cares what i'm thinking even that person won't. That person will say don't think too much. I really think too much? Life is just like twinkling of an eye.. It's such a short period. I don't know when will my time be up. I want my life to be full of colours! And definitely someone to help me to fill up my life with different colours. I've been in a daze for the whole day. I don't know why. Is there anyway to cure me? My only medicine is... I have no idea how to go on. I really have no clue at all. I never sleep last night. Sianz... My friend asked my the other friend what happened to me? Why am i staring into the blank? Lolx... i'm gonna become an idiot soon. Think i told my friend today my mood is not that good so don't irritate me. I'm really that sick that i went home straight away and sleep. Last of all... I LOVE YOU!