Don't know why my stomach is in great pain now. Fingers and feets are as cold as ice. Feeling cold too.. Feel like i'm dying soon. Pain till tears flow down my cheeks.

No other place i can say my feelings out. I'm really sad now. I hate myself for making you angry. Staring into the blank now. Doing nothing.

I'm really sorry. Really! I meant it. I don't want this to happen. I'm sincere in apologising to you. I went home straight when i know things are not right. I'm an idiot. I'm dumb. All my fault. Sorry. Haiz

Slept at 2 am plus wake up at 4 am.. Then wake up at 6 am plus as usual. Then back to sleep again till 10 am.. Drag myself to wake up and go to Tanjong Pagar. I looked so listless. Managed to find my way there. Phew~ It's on the 33rd level. Went there.. Filled in form again. Haiz. Well this time round i finally remember which year is it when i'm studying P1. Waited for a short while.. Sheena asked me a few questions. Then she said she need me to go for a typing test. I was like OMG! My typing speed? Can make it or not? The passage was so so so long. Must finish it in 5 minutes time. Time's up.. Guess whether i did finish typing the whole passage?

Not knowing why recently i will wake up automatically at 6 am plus. Then i will just sms you good morning. I wanted to message you cause i want your day to start with a smile when you wake up. Maybe my message isn't that powerful to make you smile in the morning. Haha! Pinning to meet you day by day. But... Haiz.

This morning a message woke me up. It's by my friend, Jasmine inviting me to her birthday party. It will be located at Bukit Panjang area. Well it's really far for me to go there. And i don't even know how to go there. Therefore i think i may not be going. Know if i never go will disappoint her. Before that, my phone was in meeting mode. A job agency called me at 8 am plus going to 9 am.. I returned call one hour later. Lolx! I was like asking who's finding me? Then that person who's on the line ask me whether i've send my resume to them.. i said yes. That person who is on the line told me the person who called me just now is out of the office. Then she asked me what job you applying for? I said i forget. Then she was like damn rude. She said okay, bye. I was like what the..! I went to sleep after that call.. I was thinking did i send my resume? And i never. At that time i wanted to send but in the end i never. So weird that i never send and they got my number. Ar.. nevermind. 2 pm plus a girl by the name of Sheena called. Telling me stuffs.. And the most important is she told me is Jessica who send my resume to them. o.O And so.. the now i know why they got my number. My mum sort of argue with me why i want to take up that one week admin job. But in the end i ignore my mum till now.

Mum: "What you want to eat?"
Me: Nothing came out from my mouth
Mum: "Hor fun or what?"
Me: "Don't want la!"

Had chicken rice for my dinner. When i'm eating chicken rice, i'm thinking of you. That dinner at Jurong Entertainment. The way you eat and what you comment about the chicken rice. Was laughing when i'm thinking of it. Every minutes and seconds with you.

Well i went for that so called interview today. Went there i said.. "i'm looking for Ivy. Then the girl say.. you're shuping ar? i thought i asked Kelly to call you to go Changi South for interview?" My face was like.. this expression ----> -_-ll Asked me to fill in the form and ask me some questions. Questions like working in Motorola is good why want to quit? Can i work for events? I anyhow scribble in the form.. And i wrote the year when i'm in Primary one wrongly. I wrote one year earlier. Meaning i too clever? Enter Primary one when i'm not even the age for Primary one? =Xx Hmmm.. now everything is just fine for me. I want to earn money cause i've some plans in mind. Just don't ask me be stunt woman.. risk my life and i'm dead. I still cannot be dead cause i've to miss n love someone. =Xx Suppose to wait for their call and go Changi South. Ivy said i think they will want you so you just have to go there and settle some paperwork.

At times i wonder.. why friends will tell you they are troubled but they just don't want to share their problems? It seems that some of them think that they are so great to shoulder all the problems by themselves. Aren't they stupid? Don't know why i will say all these. After graduating from secondary school, all my band mates seems to drift further apart. Some i don't even know what they are thinking. Or we aren't good friends at all? Just pretend you are one and now then i know you are not. Cause i don't really know you. Anyway i think i've done my part as a friend. In case you don't appreaciate it, i just don't care. In this world you have to initiate the first move not wait for others to find you. And if you are the kind of person who want people to find you then you will be dead sooner or later.

Hmmm... What i did today? Rot! Yeah! Not really actually. I swept the floor of my house for twice. First time i did that. Not meaning i never sweep the floor but sweep it twice in one day. Lolx! I'm crazy. Then went to play with my hair... Styling my hair actually. And of cause took some photos of myself. Not zi lian but i got nothing to do at home. Then missing you is my job.. So i start to miss you. Whaha! That's it.

Why do i miss you? Cause i love you. Why do i love you? Cause i don't have any reason. Love someone doesn't need any reason. Love means love. To be in love really need each other to commit? To be in love that means you cannot have fling? If you have fling you will think of the person you love? Hmmm.. too profound for me to know. I never knew that i will be so deeply in love with you till this moment. And if i were to die now, i will sure to regret and never tell you in face how i feel for you. I will not be able to kick the bucket peacefully. One thing for sure is never ever torture yourself. But when one is sad.. i don't think this will come to your mind. You will just feel like dying.. Well some may feel like drinking to drown ur sorrow, some smoke like hell, some go exercise, some go dancing, some go to the beach to shout it out and etc. I ever asked one of my friend not to drink so much cause it doesn't really help. It only helps you to forget for a short period cause you are drunk. When you are awake.. you will start to think and so you drink again. After some time your liver is gets weaker and weaker due to drinking lots of alcohol. And then you gets liver cancer! So you not going to live any longer. By then you will regret why you did that. Same goes to smoking. Once i really have a thinking of asking one cigarette from my friend just because i'm sad. My brain can't function properly when i'm irrational. But i try not turn a hair and let my brain function well. I always wanted people with me to be happy, to call a spade a spade to me. I've come to this world for 20 years. What great things have i done before to make my parents proud of me, relatives to be proud of me, friends to be proud of me and for myself to be proud of myself? Are there anyone really fathom what i'm thinking? I've my own worries and all that. Everyone have that i know. Haha! Maybe others might have more worries and problems than me. My life at home is like a cat and dogs life. Always try to put my best foot forward in things i'm striving for but the result is... guess the outcome yourself.

Will i be able to see you next week? Friday and Saturday? For the past few days i felt so lost. Lost without you. Still on my journey to your heart.. Walking in. Those obstacles that i've to overcome.. Falling down, standing up again. Well i don't know what shit i'm writing. Don't wish to continue. My dreams, my ambition.. Soon i'll fulfil it!

Beer with ikan bilis. Finish!

Feel the pain in my stomach again today. Teached Agnes accounts. Pissed off! Miss you. No more!

Is finding a job really so difficult? Why it seems so difficult for me and not others? I really want to work. A stable one... then i can do whatever things i want. Buy whatever things i want. Well.. Everyone just pray hard that i will either be a police officer or prison officer. If not i will just have to brood over jobs. I really don't want to take up office work but when i really have no other alternatives i guess this is my only way out. ='(

Writing a stupid resume. I really miss you. I really do. I really misses you alot. =( Well is this the only place i can express myself? I'm moody. Yar i am. Now.. Don't wish to say it out. My own fault. Everything is my stupid fault.

Listening to the song that you are singing.. Miss you there. Why am i listening it once and all over again? Simply because i miss your voice.

Can i really sense people around me truly care about me? Can i really sense people around me treating me as their friend? Do people around me really treat me as a friend? Do people around me never ever look down on me? Are you? Did you?

Haiz. Early in the morning 7.30 and i was already awake.. Why? Stomach pain. Freak! Well after that i never get back to sleep. Went back to my school to collect my certificate. There's only xiao ling and me. Thought there would be more people but there's only two of us. Went walking around the school as i wonder if there's any changes in the environment. Well no change at all. Whaha! Went in to the staff room to take a look, only manage to find Mr Ganesan there. Sadly we went there at a wrong timing. Anyway also not my fault cause xiao ling was late for an hour. Luckily i saw kai hoon.. she accompanied me by chatting with me.. Well well then went walking around at J8. Then we parted.. Wonder when will be our next outing as a group.



Well time is the most important thing is our life. We will always be running against time. And what do humans live for? We live for a piece of paper and that's a certificate. Cause without this paper we will never be living our life comfortably and happily. I've got this thinking after i collected my certificate and after talking to xiao ling.

Some photos i took with jie on June 15..

Went to Changi Village for dinner. Hmmm.. went to fetch Karen first. Went walking to her house. Hardworking huh? Okay took bus 109 to Changi Village. First time taking bus there? Well.. my dinner was carrot cake. And it don't taste nice. Haiz... so disappointed. And the people there are so attitude. Can't stand them. And Wei ye they all was like finishing their second round. -_-ll Well Karen only had half of the sting ray for her dinner. OMG! So little. Well she and me thinks that chomp chomp one is still better. She very princess. Go toilet also must choose. Lolx! =Xx Then we walked all the way in to Changi beach. Oh ya we got bitten by mosquitoes.. Sorry ar Karen! Haha! Well then someone told me... "Look there's so many areoplanes!" I was laughing. Whaha! Well then we took bus home.. Haha! Still got other funny parts but i lazy to type. All the funny parts involved with Karen the princess... Well here's some pictures...

Went Boon lay... Meet up with her. Then... She wanted to meet her friend but her friend went to Jurong East... Dots. Well.. then went for dinner at the food court? Hmmm.. the chicken rice don't really taste good. Then went to take a look at the ice skating.. Then went arcade.. There got on siao eh.. highest record for the street basketball 647 points. And i only got 119 points. Then went for movie.. Garfield 2. So boring.. Keep yawing away. Then walk here and there. Send her home.. Reach home.. Yar. Like that lor.

What shall i say? What shall i do? Nothing. Me... You... Then? I love you. You love me. Then? I'll train myself to a very strong and fit person soon. Very soon!

Sometimes i wonder if lightning will strike on me one day? Life is never fair. I agree to it. But life is never ever fair to me. Never! Exams.. Like that. Relationship.. Like that. Friendship.. Like that. Then? So? What? I'm a pathetic idiot

Met with godsis at 11 am at Hougang Mrt. Hmmm.. Then travel to orchard. She had her manicure and pedicure at Takashimaya. Thought the whole thing will end at 12 pm plus but it ended at 1.40 pm? Lolx. But that time i was starving like hell as i did not had anything from morning. Went Lucky Plaza for chicken rice. Then headed to far east. Bought earings? Don't really remember. Lolx... Then went to Plaza Singapura... She wanted to trim her eyebrows but never expected the shop closed down? Whaha! Then went buying chocolates for my mum. Haha! Now the next destination was Tampines Mall. Finding places to rest our legs... And i've stomach ache.. Sianz! Then can't drink cold drinks had to drink hot tea. Haiz... Took alot of photos while we are resting. Amazing.. Think we took 30 over photos? Went round walking here and there.. She bought a polo t-shirt for her dad. Then time to go back to our hometown.. Had a walk in Hougang Mall cause of the big change. Well actually not really. Then go for pool at Plaza. Well i lost 3 games.. Total only 3 games. Lousy right? That's the end of my day.

Just now what i've just post all gone. Freak! Okay now will be a shorter version. Went back to xms. Attended their graduating ceremony. Prefer my batch one. Then went joining their treasure hunt. Mission for my station is for them to tell ghost story. Well it's really lousy of their ghost story telling. Then went down to eat my cup noodles. Damn hungry. Don't know why. Drank fresh milk and eat spoonful of rice. Then play basketball in the indoor sports hall with Eugene, CC, Alvin, Jun Sheng and Ping Yi. Well.. we won! 7 is to 6. Kinda slightly injured during this small match. I scored 3 points out of the 7. Haha! =X Sweat like hell! Then went drinking at a corner.. Talk about lots of stuffs. Hear my friends saying about the pros and cons of entering poly, uni n etc.. Well talking to them is really fun and i will gain something too. We talk about life too? Did we? I not sure.. By that time i was really tired after that game.. Brain was sort of lagging. LolX. Saw them messing up those shoes during the fire drill.. I've something to say but i'm lazy to type. I was missing you. That's why i message you and call you..

Received my letter on Saturday. Was so disappointed and i cried. After crying, went out to meet my godbro and godsis. Went Bugis.. Wanted to buy a jacket but don't have so sad. In the end buy a wallet. I still like it. A present from godbro and godsis! Thanks!! After that went meeting someone special for a movie, Slither. This movie is really gross. I jumped up during one of the scene. Scared me.. Thanks for your chocolate and all that. Thanks for accompanying me. Thanks alot! I really appreciate what you've done. Reached home at around 8 am plus? Slept for 3 hours and there i went out. Went for a concert at Esplanade by Yuhua and River Valley Alumni. A nice one. Then headed to Grapevine. There's thirteen of us. Well meaning got 12 people singing birthday song for me? Lolx. After eating and singing, we play that game. That game is call pig. Well they wanna make me do forfeit... cause i'm the birthday girl. So lucky i'm not the one. Lolx.. Well... the game ended.. Not in the mood to write alot also.

It seems that my life is really not a smooth one. Whatever things i want to do always ended up nothing. I already make up my mind what to do and plan for my life.. but now i have to look for other alternatives. Haiz. Guess maybe i'm not fated for it? Well that's not gonna be end of the world for me. But i'm really just disappointed in myself. Why when i make up my mind and strive hard for something, the result came out is negative? Why? Lalalalalalalalala~

My friend received letter from the police. Not me! Why? I haven't received yet. OMG!!! How?!! Arghx! =( =( =( I'm going crazy soon.. soON SOON! Please pray for me everyone.. Pray that i will get the letter tomorrow!

You give people those fu*ck up attitude and you expect people to treat you back nicely? Who the hell are you? You are such a damn fu*cker! So what if people ask you questions? You don't want answer then just say. Don't ignore people for nothing fu*cker! You like it when you are being ignored? Don't like it or you have what problems just say it out. You expect people to read from your mind? Come on we people are just normal human beings... With no special powers. You think only you can treat people with just your attitude? Well people can tolerate your fu*cking attitude... But we can't tolerate forever. You yourself should know that. If you expect something from others.. Then you should think what people expect from you. We can't guess what you are thinking. And if you think guessing is fun then you can continue to play with yourself your fu*cking guessing game! Just what a asshole you are. Wanted people to know your situation and did you say or tell them? NO! So don't expect more than what you expect. Freaking pissed off by you. Damn fu*king fu*cker!!!

I'm looking forward to 10th of June.. Cause i can go out with my friends.. Jasmine and Belinda. We're going to Police Academy. Haha! There will be a carnival there.. I'm looking forward to see my precious one. Lolx! I've got nothing to do at home. I'm so bored. I'm so lazy to go out either. Don't know why. But now.. i know what i'm gonna do. Practice on my trumpet!

I don't know why i'm so moody for now. Don't even have the mood to play games or anything. Just freaking moodless! A drop of tear just roll down my cheek. Wanted to say lots of things here. But i think i shall not say. Haiz

I'm thinking of you every minute, every second. Going to be crazy soon. Crazy over you. Haha!

I'm so bored.. Haiz. Don't know what to do for next week. Just plainly rotting every day. Stupid life. I'm wasting my time just rotting at home. I must do meaningful things in order to keep my life an interesting one. LolX! Waiting for the day to meet you again...

Such a boring day! Haiz... I miss you alot! Haha! Whole day do nothing but rotting. =(

Was not at home yesterday. Staying at someone's house. Hmmm.. It was fun being together with you. Went to the toilet and i came out... Heard the dogs barking. Thought it was being locked up. But guess what? When i was about to go back to the room i heard some noise and there the dog was beside me.. And i quickly ran back to the room.. Scared the hell out of me. Was shivering in the room. Never ever been chased by dogs before. Phew! It never bite me if not i will have more fear of dogs. Next time i must wear armour if i go there? Lolx. Because.. the dog want bite me i also don't feel pain.